My Confessional...

Okay, here it is. This is my confessional. This is where I confess that I'm not a perfect Mom. Not even a perfect person (obviously, being a perfect human is easier than being a perfect Mom). But it's true. I am about to share a very personal, hormonal, slightly psychotic break-down I had this morning.
I woke this morning with a purpose. My mission: to get my haircut. Alone. I made breakfast, played with Sophia, folded some laundry, and got the hell out of dodge. I was 1 mile away from home (not even out of the neighborhood), when my phone rings. It's Heather. Don told her I was out getting my haircut and she asked if she could come too. My immediate response was, "No, I will take you tomorrow." But then I hung up, and made a u-turn. I called the house to tell her to get ready. Nobody answered. I called again. No answer. By the time I got home, I was ticked. I came into the house, hollered at whoever was closest and asked, "Why can't I just be alone for 5 minutes?"
So was I mad because I couldn't get my morning alone or because nobody answered the phone? I guess the answer is "both." I just feel, sometimes, that even if I wanted to escape for 5 minutes, someone could find me. Always. As awful as it sounds, I just wanted to not be found for a few minutes...to not be in charge of someone for a few minutes.
I waited in the car in the driveway for Heather as she got dressed and I cried. I cried becuase I knew my daughter had heard me holler at my husband that I had wanted to be alone. I couldn't bear the thought of her thinking that I didn't want HER with me. I just didn't want ANYONE with me. When she got in the car, I composed myself enough to explain.
When you spend all your days taking care of other people, it's exhausting. You put so much effort into their needs, that you forget about your own. You forget about things like haircuts, polished toes, and a peppermint mocha. (Granted, these aren't needs per se, but nonetheless, desires.) Whether you forget about these things, I'm not sure. Truthfully, you are just too tired to do anything about them. So when you do get the chance, and it doesn't work out, you could possibly blow! Which I did.
So here's my vow. It's not fair for my family to hear anymore of my hormonal, semi-psychotic break downs. Honestly, they take too much out of me. So instead, I vow to take the breaks I need so I can stay a "sane" Mommy. I know, easier said than done. And who actually knows a "sane" Mommy? Well, I just mean that I need to take more caution by setting aside time for myself. I just need to decide whether I want to wake up early to do this or do it at the end of each day. Regardless, it will be time well spent. Especially if it means I can avoid making my family feel like I don't like them! All in all, I think Heather understood; as much as a 15 year old can at that point. Either that, or she just nodded her head and thought, "I'm never getting pregnant. Those hormones are CRAZY!"

Sweet Moments

Time simply got away from me yesterday, and looking back, I think that's a good thing. This is my Mom's birthday weekend and they have decided to spend it with us here in Austin. I am so glad! I love having my parents in my house. There is something about showing your parents, "See, I can do this. I have this whole "adult" thing down." So naturally, I have to clean my house before they get here. Yep, she's that kind of Mom. I love her to pieces, truly! But my house better be clean when she gets here. She wouldn't judge, but she'll JUDGE! (Mom, if you read this, you know it's true...)
The thing that is so magical about my Mom is that she raised three children...ALL GIRLS! To be honest, she raised three, very different girls, and she raised three girls in almost different generations. There is nearly 7 years between each child! So basically, my parents started over again, every 7 years! YUCK! But they did it! One was in college, by the time the other hit thier rebellious teenage years (we all had them), and the last was being toted to five dance classes per week (I was pretty hard core!).
My Mom is my biggest supporter of being a stay at home Mom. She wishes she could have done it longer than she did, but obviously, times were different. A very truthful piece of wisdom my Mother shared with me once is that, "your babies are not babies forever. Cherish every moment with them and never forget, they are only yours for five minutes."
I am feeling this already, I feel like 4 minutes has passed and Heather be getting married soon. That two minutes has passed and Sophia will graduate from high school next year. But for some reason (probably pregnancy hormones), I got to thinking this yesterday while we were madly cleaning the house. Sophia came to me with a puzzle in her hand. She had made it all the way up the stairs, where I was vacuuming, with a puzzle in her hand and asked, "Play?" Seeing the desperation in her eyes, "Mom, this cleaning is not fun, please stop and play with me," I unplugged the vacuum cleaner, left it where it was and put our shoes on.
Sophia was able to escape the cleaning monster! On a whim (again, probably pregnacy hormones), I tossed her in her carseat and off we flew to McDonald's. We sat at McDonald's, both in a booth--no highchair--and shared a small fry and a strawberry sundae. The smile on my daughter's face was all I needed. It was the best decision I had made all week!
As I was cleaning my house FOR my Mom, I realized that taking my daughter to McDonald's would be more important to my Mom. I took her piece of wisdom and yes, perhaps used it as an excuse to have something sweet, but I used it to relish in those days that just seem to be magical.
I wish everyday could be so magical, but then, they might just seem ordinary. For some reason, my kids don't seem ordinary to me. So I try, like my Mom did, to be a little more magical for them. Isn't that why I'm a Mom?

W.W.S.D.

It's funny how you think you are "safe" from exposing your children to your everyday bad habits. You drop your purse.. "Shit!" You forgot something in the card..."Damn it!" They can't understand all this yet, right? Wrong. I'm pretty sure Sophia has said s-h-i-t already, but I just didn't make anything of it so she would forget about it (it worked!). But let's be honest: they are ALWAYS watching us.
If I continue to be honest here, I am probably on my phone a little more often during the day than I should be. Who else is going to plan our social calendar, organize playdates, etc. Sophia now picks up a calculater (it's flat, and thus, resembles an iPhone), holds it to her ear with her shoulder and walks around the house saying, "He-woah?" Yup, that's what she hears her mama do! So she does it now too! I thought it was pretty cute at first, but really, that's a jab at me saying, "Get off the phone, Mom!"
So to balance the good with the bad, this Sunday, Sophia surprised me yet again! We are regularly attending, Sunday church goers. Another honest note: we miss every so often. Usually when we're out of town (unless in CC, Mom and Dad make that a must!) OR when Don plays golf on a Sunday morning and I am too lazy to take the kids by myself. So this Sunday was a little different. Don did play golf, but I made a conscious effort all day to make sure we had mass scheduled for us at 5pm that evening. It would work out perfectly because Heather started her Sunday Night Live (youth group/CCD) at 6 so we would already be there. We made it (on time too)!! We walked in and before entering the church, I dipped my hand in the Holy Water to make the sign of the cross. Sophia shouts, "wa-wa!" My first reaction was to tell her, "No honey, that's not water to drink." But before I could, she put her hand out to dip it in the bowl. I leaned her over to allow her this pleasure. She brought her hand out of the bowl, and to my surprise, begins to make the sign of the Cross. Okay, so not the whole thing. But she started with her forhead and brought it down to her belly (close enough), shook her hand and then kissed it! I WAS SHOCKED! I kept wondering...How did she know what to do? How did she learn this?
Just like she learned that you say "He-woah?" when you answer a phone, she learned to make the Sign of the Cross when we are at church. Little do we know, they are always watching. So my note to self today is: What Would Sophie Do? If I keep this in mind, it will remind me that I am a role model for this little lady...ALL DAY LONG! This goes for both my girls. I have to remember that in front of Heather as well. Even though she knows right from wrong, etc., the example is always there. This weighs pretty heavy on me this week, as Heather turns 15!!! Thus, the reason we couldn't miss Mass this weekend!! :)

M. O. M.

Today, Sophia and I went out to Round Rock to experience quite the Stroller Strides class. I've been in SS for about a year and a half. Have been to three different locations prior to today. All of them always blow my mind! Just think: these are Moms who got out of bed, got themselves and their child(ren) ready, packed snacks and toys, water, an exercise mat and a towel and made it out of their house before 8:50ish. Impressed already, right? Gets better. Additionally, they unload their children into a stroller, fill the stroller with all the goodies they packed earlier (those weren't for them!), put on a smile and WORKOUT for an hour! I know-they're superheros! But today I was more than impressed. I was INSPIRED. When I joined this class to co-teach with their regular instructor, I was welcomed with open arms and tissue so that I can hit the public bathroom around the corner (7 weeks pregnant--in the potty every 10 minutes!). There were 17 girls there today including myself. So 17 women did all those things to get to class by 9am. I would venture to say that about half had more than 1 child with them as well. Who knows if they had preschoolers or school aged children they had to get situated before all this as well! My point is: they made it. They might not leave the house for anything else today, or alternately, they might have a million errands on their list. But they made it. All 17 of them! No excuses, nobody to blame. They made it. So it got me thinking...Do I want to be a
M.O.M: Many Opportunities for Mistakes: The Mom that constantly says, "I have kids, that's impossible. You try handling all that I do!"
or a
M.O.M: Making Opportunities Matter: The Mom that realizes that life isn't easy anymore but it has handed her opportunities in many different ways; using those opportunities to set examples for the children and leave a positive footprint on the earth.
Of course there are days that the former seems easier. No doubt! But I believe I made a conscious decision today to make MOST days opportunistic (if that's a word) and make lemonade (if you will). Adding another baby to our family will absolutely present its challenges. But that shouldn't mean that it adds opportunities for mistakes, excuses, or indolence. I want my children to see a happy, healthy, well balanced Mom. (Some days, that will be a cover!) But as long as I can remember those ladies from the Stroller Strides class in Round Rock today, I think I will be just fine. I'm a Mommy on a Mission!

Please note: The women in Steiner Ranch have inspired me in the same way. This is why I chose to get certified to teach Stroller Strides to begin with. I think I was just overwhelmed by the number of women today. Mix that with these pregnancy hormones and you've got one blogging Mama!

No tweat here...

I was cleaning out my car the other day when I found a recent receipt for a return I made at Dillard's. I scanned it over and at the bottom, where they shamelessly add a promo code and website for your input, it reads, "Follow us on Twitter." My first thought is, "really?" Which immediately jumps to, "What could Dillard's be posting all day that you must "follow" them to see." They have radio ads, mailers, newspaper ads...why do they need a social media such as Twitter? But since finding this receipt, I have noticed how many others want to be followed on Twitter or Facebook as well. I have the hardest time knowing that my only shower during the week that I might be able to take alone will be the one on Sunday morning which is done in 3 minutes (this includes washing my hair! I know, it's an art.) to get ready for church. Don usually can entertain Sophia during this time and help move Heather along so that we can make it out the door on time. When I want to go to the bathroom, there is usually someone in there with me for that too. Oh, grocery store trips? Yep, you guessed it. Not alone for that either. My point is that while so many others are asking to be "followed," I'm just asking for some alone time! I'm literally asking NOT to be followed!
I don't mean to sound like a mean Mommy, ungrateful for my kids. I LOVE my kids. I ADORE my kids. I want to be around them forever. Luckily, they are still young enough (sort of) that they want to be around me too. So I guess I need to be thankful that I AM followed...without having to tweat!

Any better?

Today was a sad day. My Sophie, who has the will and determination of an ARMY fighter pilot, has given me no choice, but to try new things for lunch and dinner. We go in cycles of shredded turkey and chicken deli meat, grilled chicken, mac n' cheese, Gerber meat sticks...you name it. So today, before leaving for a few hours to run some errands with the family, I thought, "let's try PB&J!" Deep inside, I thought, "No way, she's too young for this. This is a kindergarten lunch." So I guess, I was secretly hoping she wouldn't like it, thus, meaning she was too young. WRONG! We ran a few errands and stopped for lunch. We all sat after making our first trip to the buffet line (we went to Souper Salad), put Sophia in a high chair and placed her sandwich in front of her. She went to town. I had it all cut up in triangles too! She thought it was the greatest. Even better, was when she figured out how to "open" the sandwich to lick all the jelly off! Is this happening? Does my toddler already like PB&J? I feel like I'm days away from checking her backpack for her homework from school and weeks away from handing her the keys to the car and saying, "buckle up!" To the Moms out there: does this get any better? Scratch that, don't tell me. I don't want to know. I don't want to hear that you just potty trained your 18 year old "yesterday." Or that you walked your 21 year old to Kindergarten "last week." I have to stay focused and know, that everyday is truly better than the day before, because God gave me another chance today to be a better Mom than yesterday.

Tanks...

It's a Sunday morning. Normally reserved for church (we are Catholics), but since it's a holiday weekend, Don (the hubs) went golfing and I find myself awake before my kids. These days, that is not the norm. I'm only in my 5th week of pregnancy and already feel like I've been hit by a tank. So being able to brush my teeth and poor a cup of coffee (decaf, of course) was quite a treat! I heard Sophia's sleepy calls, "Mom? Mama? Mooooo-my?" I head upstairs to those gorgeous hazel eyes that thrill me every morning. I open her door to find her standing in her crib, hair covering her face, but a huge smile showing through the mess. "Hi!" she calls out. "Good morning, my sunshine," I say, like I do every morning. I open her window blinds to let some light in and begin pulling out some clothes to change her into for the day. She seems quite busy with something in her hands. Usually, she's already eyed a book in her shelf to ask me to read and take downstairs. But she keeps at it with whatever she holds in her fingers. I finally put my arms around her to give her morning kisses, take her out of the crib and hold her. Still, she seems distracted. I put her on the floor and ask, "Sophie, what do you have? What is that?" She hands me the mystery object. Small, was probably once slimy, but now a little rubbery. Um, it's a booger. Yep, my child has been quite occupied for the past few minutes while I soaked in the sun and relished in my blessings just standing in her room...with a booger. She hands it to me and says, "Here, Mama...tanks!"